a_mused | (no subject)

(no subject)

It was real funny how time just...kept on going. Moving. Even when you were still trying to grasp on to a feeling from a moment that defined you.

From her spot in the tea shop, Jane watched the residents of Yorktown pass by a large window, fingers drumming against the porcelain of the cup before her. Tea in deference to the preferences of her overly punctual companion.

Tea because she was done drinking away her larger problems.

This was totally not a date.

It was a meeting between two friends who haven't properly talked since her birthday a month ago, if that counted as talking. There weren't many words said. She was still getting used to civilian clothes again and had aimed for casual, but might have missed the bar. The dress was a little too snug.

This totally wasn't a date.

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"I like to think of that as one of my more positive traits."

They're still holding hands.

Jane can't remember the last time Spock prolonged contact with anyone let alone herself and they've been like this for minutes now.

She isn't sure if it's polite to disengage from someone who knows her so well and might view it as retreating.

"Yeah. I know." She ducks her head. "Friends."

"Hmm.. yes, we have been friends for quite some time. Although it was unfortunate that I could not admit it to myself until the moment you died."

"Five years.. so many experiences..."

He let's that sit for a moment, letting the silence settle between them comfortably. He relaxes his hand, she can escape if she wants to.

It feels like forever before he finally decides to speak again.

"I love you, Jane."

Yep. Well, there she goes. Jane's hand is withdrawn like a shot and she watches him like prey might stare down a predator.

"That's a pretty big emotion, Spock."

Spock's hand closes around the space where Jane's hand used to be.
"You do not believe me."

He sits back in his chair to regard her. "I am sorry if this was an inappropriate time to tell you."

"It's-"

She does, but she doesn't. Maybe can't. She wants to, but God, she isn't sure what she needs from him to believe it.

"Love is just- It's... look, I love Bones like a brother, he's family, but I don't just...say it."

Saying it like that is something you save for someone significant.

"Does Uhura know you're telling people you love them?"

Spock actually legits smiles.

"Nyota will always be in my heart. It just took me a long time to realize that she was always family to me. In the end, she understood what we were to each other..."

He ducks his head. "She was getting quite frustrated with me lately, because I was putting off marriage. I did not wish to marry my sister."

"You gave her a tracking device." She can't not point that out. She is not sorry. That was a high point of hilarity in a very unfunny situation.

"Made from Vulcan."

He wasn't going to deny it.

"Wouldn't you do anything you could to protect your family?"

"Sure, but normally they know I'm doing it." Or they find out almost immediately. Sucker punches and loss of control count as keeping people safe.

"You love me."

There. She said it. Now explain your words, Commander Spock.

Spock decides to put his cards on the table.

"I will never act on it if it makes you feel uncomfortable. However, if you wish to know my reasons... well... I believe it comes down to emotions. When I first met you, I hated you, and if you had asked me at that time why, I do not think I could have honestly told you. It was visceral in a way that I had never experienced before. After the destruction of Vulcan, I held a deep respect for you and your actions, and that's when I saw what kind of Captain you could be, and I knew that there was nothing that could stop me from being your First Officer."

Spock fidgets a bit, but continues.

"We have saved each others lives an indecent amount of times, we have seen each other at our worst, and you know more about me than anyone alive." That included Nyota, and it was one of the things that always annoyed the linguist, because Nyota knew before Spock did that the Vulcan had feelings for their Captain.

"You died when I should have, and I will never forget that sacrifice. I love you because you challenge me to be a better individual, and it has been my desire for quite some time to make you happy. At first I denied these feelings, and wished to go to New Vulcan where I knew things would be easier for me, but that was not the right path."

Jane is his right path.

At some point and she's not sure what point that was, her hands had drifted to her mouth and stayed there steepled before her lips as she listened. Her eyes were blown wide as he kept talking, saying more words to her in a minute long speech than he had spoken to her in almost a year and a half. She shivered as he came to his conclusion, and God, yes that was a conclusion and she was stuck without words.

Slowly, she unwinds, fingers drifting down from her lips to curl under her chin as she examines him.

He was so certain of himself.

And still..."Why now?"

He tilts his head, his eyes showing a level of fondness that he never allowed himself to express before. But there was also a hint of sorrow.

"Because I was... tired of lying to myself."

The ball is in Jane's court. He will love her, no matter how she wants to handle this. He does feel bad for springing this on her now, but, was there ever going to be an appropriate moment between them?

"Are we on a date?"..."We are totally on a date, aren't we?" She's pretty sure there should have been more communication about this. She would have dressed better. She would have been mentally prepared. She would-

"Can I try something?"

She hadn't been kidding when she'd asked how relationships with Vulcan's worked. She'd tossed the question at Uhura as a joke shared between two very frustrated women, but that hadn't stopped her from actually working over that question later.

Down the rabbit hole she had gone and what she'd come back with was...not nearly enough to fully understand how someone could date a person made of stone.

Not that Spock was a rock.

Fuck, he was more emotionally competent than she could ever hope to be.

"Can I try something?"

Spock quirked an eyebrow.

"You repeated yourself, it must be important."

The Vulcan was more content with his life decisions than he ever was in his entire life, that would definitely explain his current behaviour. His path was clear now, and he knew that there was no turning back... which suited him just fine.

"Of course."

He regarded Jane, waiting patiently.

(she repeated herself, her mun is clearly losing her brain)

"It's-Kind of?" Maybe just to her.

Jane moved, in one fluid motion from sitting to standing without pause and leaned over the table and kissed him soundly on his oh-so-patient lips.

There are very few occasions that cause Spock's mind to simply pause...

...this is definitely one of those occasions.
It only took him a couple of seconds to realise that he was allowed to participate.
Lifting his hand, he cups the side of Jane's face. He wants her to stay there, but he can't imagine that the table is very comfortable for Jane to be leaning over.
The kiss is warm, and very right. When Jane decides to sit down again, Spock is blushing a bit, which makes his cheeks a lovely shade of green.
"That was unexpected, but not unwelcome."

"Ok."

She settles back in her chair and then lazily offers up to fingers to him. She can't do the stupid eyebrow arch, but she sure as hell can look coy and teasing. She wiggles them just a little and continues to hold them out to him without a word as to why.

Her mind is spinning at the way her heart is thundering under her chest and for a second she wonders if he'll ignore the offer, or pretend he doesn't understand what she's giving him. Because words are sometimes very overrated and even if she tried to use some right then, she knows they wouldn't be factually accurate and she needs Spock to understand that she's trying the whole honesty thing, even in the face of the absolute unknown.

Spock knows exactly what Jane is offering, he's just surprised that she knows what it is. This is the VUlcan Ozh'esta, and it is only offered between couples or bonded pairs.

He holds up his hand, his fingers barely touching Jane's, but pauses. "Are you certain?"

His heart is thundering in his side, hoping that this is what Jane wants.

"Pretty certain, yeah." Jesus, Spock. Jane just waits, aiming for patience and falling somewhere in the realm of anxiety that he'll refuse, change his mind, walk right out the door and leave. She hadn't known she'd wanted this until he started talking to her.

She fucking missed him like a limb.

She sucks her lower lip under her teeth and holds her breath, wondering if maybe she was being too bold. She's not certain if what she feels is love, but the idea of Spock leaving had her feeling like she was drowning.

He presses his fingers to hers, reveling in the feeling of her consciousness pressing against his. The action was so simple, but it's so intimate.

Spock's eyebrows twitch in an almost-frown at feeling Jane's anxiety, and pushes his thoughts towards hers.
Relax ashaya...

He almost hums in contentment, his fingers shifting languidly against hers.

She hadn't expected the touch to feel so warm. Her lips part just a little as he runs his fingers along hers. A soothing sense of calm pulses along her nerves as she watches with no intention of moving first.

She wonders at what he's sensing from her that caused him to make that satisfied noise, but the pleasure she gets from it makes her toes curl in her shoes.

"How inappropriate are we being?" She murmurs, gaze shifting from their hands to his face.

Spock's lips twitch in a smile, and huffs in a way that could be construed as a laugh.

"In this region? Hardly at all. By Vulcan standards it is practically pornographic. My father would not approve."

"But we are not in a Vulcan society."

This is big. And he wonders if Jane appreciates the great picture.

"Captain... Jane, what exactly are you offering with this gesture?"
He needs her to say it, so that there is no confusion.

Jane's lips quirk upwards. This is possibly the loosest she's seen Spock since, well, nearly bleeding out all over the place.

Maybe not the best comparison.

"We're definitely not."

They're about as far from home, any home, as they could get. And he is asking the universe shattering question.

"A chance."

It's all she can give. As she is now. How lost she's been until recently. She can't offer forever. She can barely offer solid commitment.

But she wants to try.

"A chance is more than acceptable."

This time he does kiss her hand. "I would like to court you, ashayam. But you must tell me if it ever makes you uncomfortable."
He doesn't know if he'd be able to tell if Jane was pleased or disappointed with a gift, or a date location. Even now it was difficult to decipher if she really wanted any of this to happen.

"Am I about to get a crash course in Vulcan dating?" Jane muses out loud, blushing right up to her ears. She holds up a finger. "Wait. Do Vulcan's date? I thought you just had...real long engagements..."